It tells the other person that you’re listening, and that you find value in what he or she is saying. This is the best follow-up to the last item. Make sure that you are truly interested in whatever subject you’re asking about and listen actively. Just be sure to be sincere don’t just say this for the sake of saying it. However, this kind of invitation to share what someone thinks can’t help making the person feel just a tiny bit more self-worth, which in turns creates both happiness and positive feelings toward you. “I’d like to hear your thoughts about…”Įveryone likes to think that his or her opinions matter, and of course they do–sometimes. The late, great NFL coach Vince Lombardi put this best: “Leadership is getting someone to do what they don’t want to do, to achieve what they want to achieve.” Nobody does anything great alone, so be the one standing by to help, and you’ll inspire positivity and gratitude. Even the most steadfast and confident among us sometimes need a friend to guide them to a better way of acting. If you care about people, you’re going to be called on sometimes to be a bit of a coach, or maybe to employ a bit of tough love. “I know you’re capable of more.”Įveryone needs to be pushed at times, especially when we fall short. Just be sure that you’re the one buying the first round and singing the loudest. Of course, heck, if you want to take things to the extreme, throw a party. This doesn’t mean you have to throw a party, but even acknowledging that someone’s efforts have achieved results can be extremely gratifying for the person. It is so important to celebrate achievements. It’s the same concept here–just that small expression of confidence can push people to achieve more–and then to be thankful for the help. Have you ever gotten into lifting weights, or simply watched people do it? It’s amazing how the slightest bit of assistance from a spotter–with force equal to the weight of a pencil–can help someone lift far more weight than he could on his own. (Heck, every time I write a column here– and this is number 167, by the way–I wonder how people will react.) When others simply say they believe in you, however, it becomes easier to believe in yourself. (Other versions: “You handled that well when you turned that client’s objection into an opportunity” or “It was really cool to see how you parallel-parked that car into that tiny spot.”) 7. It’s the difference between saying that a comedian was really funny and quoting one of his or her best jokes. It means that you’re not only thinking abstractly but offering proof that things the other person does provoke positive reactions. “You’re really great at calming stressful situations” or “People love that you always have the best music.” It can be anything, as long as it’s authentic and truly positive, and it’s guaranteed to elicit positive reactions.įocusing on specific actions or events can be even more powerful. Other variations include “You are really great at…” or “People love that you…” Simply be sincere and specific. This is similar to “I’m happy to see you” and “I’m always happy to see you,” except that it focuses on things that the person does, rather than his or her existential being. It’s one thing to learn that other people recognize the favorable things you’ve done it’s another thing entirely to learn that you’re having a positive effect on other people without even realizing it. This an even more potent version of the previous suggestion, provided you finish the sentence with a description of how the person’s actions led to a positive outcome. Regardless, if it’s something she thought was long forgotten, learning that something she did made a positive, lasting impression on someone else is an amazing experience. Maybe it’s a joke the person told that you’re still laughing about maybe it’s a small act of heroism she performed. Surprise someone by bringing up a positive thing that she did in the past, and you’re almost guaranteed to induce a positive response. It’s an amazingly gratifying thing to hear. Well, turn that on its head, by expressing that it’s not just this interaction that has produced positive feelings but basically all interactions with this person. This is the opposite of most relationship advice–that you should never take a specific negative action and suggest that it’s indicative of someone’s entire way of acting.
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